Alex's Guide to Cream Cracker Consumption
I’m a real fan of complex carbohydrates and foods that give them out. Rice, potatoes (an Irishamn who likes potatoes oh how original ho ho ho etc), bread, and, of course, the humble Jacob’s Cream Cracker.
A little slice of heaven…Over the years, I’ve combined the cream cracker with several other foodstuffs. Here’s my guide to the best (and worst) stuff you can put on them.
Salt
Most definitely NOT good for you, but nevertheless rather nice. Cream crackers have a slightly bland taste to them (I said slightly, since they taste lovely without anything as well). They have, I believe, a low salt content. Adding more salt, especially freshly-ground sea salt, adds a lot to the cracker’s taste.Peanut Butter
Using smooth
Oh my GOD. I don’t quite know why, but peanut butter on crackers tastes heavenly. Perhaps it’s because the cracker breaking simulates actually eating fresh peanuts, thus causing a kind of psychosomatic reaction where both body and mind imagine a mouth full of peanuts. I’m going to try with chunky at some point, and let you know. Actually, the reason might be because the peanut butter overpowers the taste of the cracker, so it’s like eating peanut butter straight from the jar, which is lovely, or so I’ve been told…Nutella
Presumably for the same reason as peanut butter above. The chocolate adds a piquancy to the cracker, making it taste nice and sweet. The texture is a wonderful contrast as well, which is also true with peanut butter (which could be another reason it’s so lovely), between soft and smooth and hard and crunchy.Soy Sauce
Using Kikkoman’s normal and Low Salt varieties
OK, this was an interesting sensation. I presumed that this would be like adding salt, but with the added danger that it would dissolve. To my surprise, the cracker completely failed to absorb the soy sauce, resulting in what was going to be an interesting experience in eating into a form of drinking game, as cream crackers have naturally-occuring craters, into which the soy sauce would flow and sit. Hell, nothing even came out of the holes. The result? Well… It’s not bad, but eating it takes up most of your concentration. The difference between Low Salt and normal is that Low Salt tastes slightly sweeter.Red Cheddar
Using Kilmeaden Extra Mature Red
This is very nice. You chew through the cheese and get a very satisfactory crunch as you reach the cracker. The two tastes mix very well, as neither actually overshadows the other. As a result, you get the soft flavour of the cheese (Kilmeaden, in my opinion, make the BEST mature red cheddar) mixing with the rather harder taste of the cracker.Honey
Using acacia honey
Another beautiful one. Interestingly, on the first bite, you taste the cracker. The aftertaste, however, comes almost immediately, and you find yourself tasting the honey for several seconds after swallowing. Absolutely lovely.My Mom’s Roast Chicken
No. No no no no. The chicken has a rather delicate but complex flavour, which is completely overshadowed by the cream cracker’s strong and straightforward flavour. Give this a definite miss.In my opinion, this is a quick list of things that should/shouldn’t work. Note that I’ve not tried them all.
- Sweet things, eg Nutella, honey, golden syrup, work a treat. They make a stark counterpoint to the savoury flavour of the cracker.
- Other savoury items, eg cheese, salt, or anything that is added as a condiment, works rather well. The two tastes circle each other in your mouth.
- Anything as hard or harder, eg carrots, are a definite no-no. You chew through the carrot, only to find MORE hardness. Anyway, it’s hard to eat slices of raw carrot using only one hand, which is how you eat a cracker. Unless you’re a chipmunk.
- Liquids, eg vinegar, soy sauce, may or may not taste good (for the record, I don’t think vinegar would taste nice), but aren’t worth the effort.
- Roasted or fried meats, eg chicken, pork, beef, are no good at all. Either they’re too subtle to be tasted over the cracker, or they completely overpower the cracker.
- Vegetables seem to me a very bad idea. I’ve not tried any, mind, but they just don’t seem like they’d work.
- Fish, eg salmon, herring, would work very well if cut as sashimi and applied raw.
I hope you’ve found this informative.
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